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People-Pleasers & Singing

by Bevlyn

It's rather weird for me to ask, "Are you are a people-pleaser?"

Many of us are probably not 'actively' pleasing other people at our own expense because we enjoy doing so. 

But many of us would probably opt to avoid conflicts if we can help it.

And with any human responses, they usually lie along a spectrum of:

"Strongly agree that I try to avoid conflict"
"Strongly agree that I do not avoid conflict"

My teachings in singing through the many years has led me to a discovery of how personalities affect how people sing. And it's a very real thing though I am not able to conduct any scientific studies that come with statistics. 

But here's what I discovered.

That people who have a tendency to avoid conflict (knowingly or unknowingly), usually have a harder time projecting their voices (be it for speaking, or singing)

They may feel A LOT of emotions for the songs inside. But when they try to sing, they find it hard to get the voice OUT. Just like how they may feel a lot of anger inside, but they are used to keeping it in.
(they may choose to swallow their voices and do not speak out).

Some people adjust the tone of their voices, or do things that they'd rather not do in order not to further aggravate the situation

(would they lose authenticity with how they truly feel,
and how they express their soul through their voices?)

It's probably not difficult to understand why
personalities affect singing, now that I've pointed this out.

Perhaps the suppressing of our own emotions and opinions in order to:

  • make others like us more, or

  • simply make others feel more comfortable (than they need to), or

  • to totally avoid conflicts

 ... shapes our psyche to keep our true inner voices IN and not OUT.

Singing is an extension of everyday speech, by the way.
And we've heard how people usually say "Sing your HEART out". 

--> So it's all bundled up - how we feel our real emotions and express them in everyday life affects how we sing. 

When it comes to personalities, there is no quick-fix solutions!
But being aware of where you lie on the spectrum is a good start to any changes that you'd like to make (IF, you'd like to make).

It's also true that swallowing our voices and changing our tone in order not to further aggravate a situation can be wise.

But if it is a chronic and habitual response, perhaps we can see how it would start to affect our general projection in speech and singing?

Before I sign off, here's a precious page from author Jeff Brown's book "Hearticulations":  


If you'd like a quick session (face-to-face / online) to explore this further (and potentially get a 'break-out'), you're welcome to schedule a trial lesson. (I'd share how I get my reserved students to project their voices, and make you do so too!)

Happy Singing and Exploring your soul!

Need help getting the best voice out of you?

Save time and get to your ideal singing voice faster than you think.

Why did I name it "SingingTechniques INT"?

My forte has always been teaching singing techniques (I especially love teaching total beginners from scratch, and polishing experienced singers to their best form!).

But it's not just about techniques, though they give you the fundamentals for your singing instrument.


It is also about your relationship with yourself, and your singing instrument:

I = Introspection


Singing requires a lot of introspection. Are you paying attention to your own feelings and thoughts? Are you paying enough attention to how your body feels? Singing requires a super high body awareness, and it is hence no surprise that people with a high body awareness find it much easier to learn and master singing, because they can adjust their body to do what the singing requires, faster.

It can be simple thoughts like, "Am i breathing correctly?", "Was I supporting for that phrase that I sang?", "Was my vocal placement high enough?, "What can I do better next?", etc



N = Nurture


People are almost always surprised by how disciplined (or deprived, depending on your perspective) singers need to be in order to upkeep their singing instruments, that is essentially their own body and health.


If our body, AND our health, is our singing instrument, are we keeping ourselves active to get a better breath going?

Are we stretching and exercising enough?
Are we sleeping enough, and well? (since there is a crucial relationship between sleep and the health of our vocal cords!)

Do we have a nurturing relationship with our mind too? For eg, are we kind to ourselves whenever we fail to hit a high note? Do we tell ourselves that we can be a work in progress and love our own voices too?


If regular water and sunshine are necessary for the best growth of a plant, are we supplying enough of what is required for our singing instrument to flourish and be at its best at all time?


T = Truth


The truth can refer to many aspects in singing.


Are we being authentic when we choose to sing in a certain way? Perhaps we like that style of singing when a certain singer sings it that way, but does it represent who we are in our innermost core?


What are we trying to prove? Are we trying too hard?


Is there a possibility that we are letting our ego take our singing down by insisting on singing the original key (which belongs to the original singer anyway!), OR NOT changing the key because we are scared to, or lazy to?


Is there any denial at all in all the choices we make for our singing instrument?


As we all know, the truth will set you free.

Need help getting the best voice out of you?

Save time and get to your ideal singing voice faster than you think.

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